Reflecting on my last blog post about my hopes, fears and opportunities, I was definitely in the ‘hopes’ frame of mind. I don’t think that’s a bad thing – I’m an optimistic person but right now the influence of looming deadlines and the show are making me a little bit fearful. I feel like I’ve accomplished a lot in the past few months, finding and keeping my style in a way I really enjoy working has been a big step because it means that everything I make is fun and I think that’s so important. Making my book has been challenging for me because I had a really clear vision of what I wanted from it and I think that put a bit too much pressure on it, but the main thing is that it puts some of my work into a clearer context.

 To contrast the vivid colours and patterns that are non-stop throughout the pages of my book, I’ve also experimented with photographing my work in a more plain setting using the mini-cove and some gorgeous 50s style melamine crockery (generously lent to me from Mr Murray) and I love the outcome of those, too. I think with the book I was so obsessed that the cakes were in the right ‘setting’ that it ended up being a bit over the top and with the more minimal photography there’s more chance to let the work shine. I will be presenting the prints of these on the deadline along with the book and the pieces themselves so it should be a good way of seeing them out of context, in contexts and in person!

I’m really excited about the show – I hope to have a full sized fridge in my exhibition space with all the new foods I’ve made inside. I’m a bit worried about how it will pan out but I have a month now to make it come together, fingers crossed! Along with the fridge I’d like to have a decadent vintage tea party with all my cakes, that’s something that will be more doable at this point in time so that’s why I’m thinking more about my fridge. After that we’ll be packing up the show and shipping it off to London for D&AD New Blood – that’s right, we’re actually going! So I’m really hopeful about exhibiting there and making some connections when we’re down there. I was really unprepared when we went to London the last time so I really want to make sure I’m going to be busy meeting people in June.

Something I’d really love to do is work with fashion and advertising – it’s definitely something I’m going to look into after graduation when I start to set myself up with my shop properly. I have had so much fun making wacky costumes and accessories so that’s something I want to keep on doing. I’d have loved to keep my shop running through this year but I’ve just been too busy to make stuff all the time alongside the work I’ve been making for FMP.

A couple of weeks ago I had a table at a craft fair on my own but it was a total letdown, the weather was awful so hardly anyone turned up, I only made about £10 and the table was £20 so it was just a complete waste of time and energy. I would like to do more craft fairs and not let that one bury my confidence but I want to focus on the aesthetic of my work and my audience and honing my skills so I can make a really diverse product line. I’m really excited about things I have planned out in my head, I just need to make sure I keep the drive and energy I have had this year to keep making and keeping it enjoyable.

Ultimately, that’s what all my fears boil down to. I’ve been asked the following question roughly 6 thousand times over the past few weeks and the thing that scares me is that I truly do not know the answer: ‘so what are you going to do after uni?’, I keep saying I would really love to keep doing this and that but honestly everything costs money and that’s what worries me. It’s all very well and good to create things to sell in my shop and make more costumes and work to show to prospective advertising agencies etc but all these things are costly and there’s always that niggling voice in the back of my mind that will be telling me I have to ‘find a real job’, eek!

The thing that’s comforting in these times of doubt is hearing stories from other illustrators. I remember the Lord Whitney talk when they were telling us about how the first months after graduating they had temp jobs to support them because they couldn’t afford to do work for people otherwise, they said that there’s a difficult balance between being able to do the work you love and getting the bread and butter money as well.

There are a few steps that I need to take now – gaining the confidence to be more outgoing with presenting my work to other creatives and (gasp!) potential clients, carrying on pushing my self-promotion until absolutely everyone has heard of and is sick of the words ‘Made by Millie’ and making myself as accessible and diverse as possible. I think one really good thing about making the animation for FMP is that I realised that I can actually do things like that if I put my mind to it – at first I really hated the idea that we had to make an animation because ‘I’m rubbish with technology!’ and in the end I really enjoyed it and it’s something I can do more of in the future because I made myself learn how to do it. The most important thing is showing people that you can do anything, and realising that actually, you probably can.